


Somewhere Only We Know

by buffaloballet



Category: Babylon 5
Genre: Developing Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, S5 and Post-Series Canon Divergence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:34:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28206915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buffaloballet/pseuds/buffaloballet
Summary: Exploring Vir and Lennier's relationship over the years, as it develops from a simple working one to something more, from the coming of the Shadows to its aftermath.
Relationships: Vir Cotto/Lennier
Comments: 7
Kudos: 10





	1. 2258

**Author's Note:**

> Set before and after The Quality of Mercy (S01E21).

_“Great Maker, don’t you ever get tired of all this paperwork, Vir? You have been at it since I woke up and you’re still at it several hours later, and the day isn’t even finished! Please do me a favor and take a break. If not for your sake, for mine, I had the most unpleasant exchange during today’s meeting and the mere sight of you still working after it all makes me sick!”_

_“B-but ambassador…”_

_“Didn’t you listen to what I said? I’m in no mood for complaints from anyone, especially from stubborn attachés who think they know better than the Ambassador for the Centauri Republic himself.”_

_“I’m s-sorry, I…”_

_“Oh, do me a favor and quit whining, will you? And go take a walk, have a drink, maybe even pick up some women, hmmm? We Centauri do have duties to fulfill at all times, but no one said you can’t enjoy yourself during the process, especially when one is still at its prime.”_

Those were the words echoing inside Vir Cotto’s head as he sat alone at the bar. His boss did have a point on him being overworked, though. It had been almost a year since he was assigned as attaché to Ambassador Londo Mollari of the Centauri Republic, and while to most of his peers this was simply being the joke of an already bigger joke, Vir valued it deeply and wished to treat the post with the greatest honor he could possibly provide, which, in his low-self-esteem, wasn’t even that much to begin with.

It hadn’t been an easy job either. To his luck, the poor soul had barely arrived at the station and already had a time bomb sitting on his lap that was dealing with Londo’s reaction to the Narn attack on the colony of Ragesh 3. The worst part, he wasn’t able to do much to defuse the situation himself, and if it wasn’t for local commercial telepath Talia Winters, his boss would likely be either dead or in the brig, and he would have kissed his job goodbye. After that particular incident, he decided that he would work hard enough so not only he would be competent at what he did, but he would also be _needed_.

Still, it proved to be quite a chore. When it wasn't due to the meddling of Londo himself, who seemed to do everything possible to avoid work, there was always something happening inside the station that disrupted the daily routines of its inhabitants. He had heard the stories about the previous Babylon stations, of course, which made him wonder if the choice of this particular place was simply another cruel prank from his family. Vir then shrugged, concluding that the more he brooded about that, the less focused he would become on his duties. Oh yeah, even after the demands from his boss, he still brought work with him, some papers and a data crystal on the last council meeting regarding a trade agreement between the Drazi and the Centauri.

As one of the waiters brought him a drink, Vir took a good look around the place and all the unfamiliar faces surrounding it. Due to the amount of time he had spent on his work, he still hadn’t been really able to befriend anyone in the station, aside from perhaps Londo himself. Still, his relationship with the ambassador was more of a mentor or even a father figure. On the matter of more intimate relationships, it’s not that he didn’t notice the women in the station either, no – actually, it was the other way round. But then, in a place such as Babylon 5, with its booming diverse cast of people coming in and out on a daily basis, would finding someone with at least a mild interest in him really be that unlikely? And in that case, why even be preoccupied with restrictions of species or even gender?

“Wait.” He froze. Why did he even think about that last part? Then the realization struck him hard.

Apparently he wasn’t that shut into his thoughts as he originally conceived, at least not enough that part of him wouldn’t notice the peculiar presence sitting nearby. In fact, he had already met that person a handful of times before. He recognized the figure as Lennier, the attaché to the Minbari Ambassador Delenn. He only sat from a few seats of distance from the Centauri, and yet it felt like both were worlds apart from each other. They still hadn’t exchanged any words that weren’t strictly related to their jobs, but Vir had been paying attention to the Minbari from day one.

In a way, he envied Lennier. Despite both being around the same age and still being fresh into their jobs, the way he behaved with such seriousness and maturity during the council meetings made Vir feel like a complete novice. From what he could tell, his working relationship with Delenn also seemed way smoother than his and Londo’s. But there was something more than that. He didn’t feel any malice towards the Minbari, nor a sense of competition, except when it came to berating himself for not feeling good enough. In fact, Vir wanted to get closer, although he didn’t know how to approach him.

His thoughts drifted to the first time they met. The cultural shock that overwhelmed the young Centauri. His confused look wandering helplessly in all places during the Minbari religious ceremony. The smell of incense and other substances he couldn’t identify. The empyreal aesthetics of the strange bone headed aliens. It made him realize how little he actually knew about their culture. And then suddenly, there he was, the dainty young Minbari handing him the piece of red fruit, never breaking eye contact during a small fraction of seconds that felt like a lifetime to Vir. The serene and reassuring look left him baffled while he studied the small piece of food between his fingers, and when he looked up again Lennier was already gone to hand more fruit to the other participants.

Hours later he was back in his quarters, after putting up with Londo’s ramblings on how the whole experience was pointless, tiresome and confusing to him. It didn’t bother him as much though, as his mind was still lingering on that very particular moment. After finishing all his tasks for the day, Vir spent the rest of his evening reading the frustratingly small repertoire available on the Minbari inside Babylon 5’s data files, plus the even less substantial info his own government could provide. Yet, he still managed to find info on the particular ceremony he had attended hours early, and felt himself blushing from ear to ear when he discovered it could also stand for a wedding ceremony.

Vir came to his senses soon enough as he noticed he let out a small sigh. Embarrassed, he looked around to see if anyone noticed, but the loud and vibrant Babylon 5 was just too immersed in his own inhabitants’ agendas to even care for the musings of a Centauri ambassadorial aide. Or so he thought. There, not having moved from the same spot at all, sat Lennier, who was now watching him with the same intensity and curiosity he had displayed, making Vir’s eyes widen at the realization. He quickly gave an awkward smile accompanied by a wave, while the Minbari bowed his head in return, and returned on making eye contact. His cheeks flushed in a bright pink as he tried to find the courage to approach Lennier.

“Excuse me, Mr. Cotto?” The bartender’s voice came out suddenly. “Ambassador Mollari has called and demanded for you to meet him in his quarters as soon as possible.”

“Oh, yes, yes, of course…” He answered in a heap, cursing the ambassador in his mind for ruining his introspective moment. But he had already accepted that working for Londo Mollari was always going to be a great source of stress and unforeseen events. Turning back to look for Lennier, Vir realized the Minbari had vanished. The Centauri scratched his head in bewilderment and thought about looking for him during the span of half a second, until realizing he had duties to attend. He simply shrugged, paying the bartender for his services and rushed back to his boss’s quarters. 

***

“Well, well, just about my luck. Now what am I supposed to do with these papers, Vir? Perhaps that thing some earthers do called origami, yes? Or perhaps I should go even cruder and do a bunch of paper planes to throw them straight at your eyeballs!” The older Centauri roared as he pushed the papers to the center of the table, making the pile dismantle on a big mess.

“I’m s-sorry Londo, I swore I had the data crystal with me all along…” Vir sweated as he spoke, not even bothering to mention it was the ambassador who caused the whole situation himself.

“That’s what I gain for trying to do good! Now tell me, what am I supposed to say to that wretched Drazi ambassador? That I will happily oblige to all of their demands only so they won’t reveal state secrets? Do you have any idea on how many favors I had to call to gather info on their mismanagement of the Titus Colony?”

Clenching his teeth together with a frown, Vir raised his head and exclaimed: “No, I don’t, but I know that if you had let me do my job in the first place we wouldn’t be in this situation! Or at least you could have told me about what actually was in that data crystal, did it ever occur to you?”

Londo took a deep breath and walked around the room, thoughtful. His aide was right, but his pride wouldn’t let him admit it out loud. It brought no joy for him to shout at Vir at that moment either, after all, it was him who sent the boy away to rest. He just wished he wasn’t so stubborn in bringing work along with him. But the way Vir was so determined to do well was something the ambassador had to commend him, though, when he himself felt he had been avoiding most of it. It was just one mistake, after all. _A costly mistake, sure, but not the end of the world_. Those Londo knew too well.

Leaning over a chair, he turned to face his aide, noting how his body posture had become even more curved and tense than usual, his round soft eyes trying to hold back the many tears of frustration he had accumulated in the last months. Vir was simply tired. It felt like no matter the effort he put, something would eventually happen to ruin all his work. Was it simply some unfortunate coincidence or payback for misdeeds of a past life? Not that it didn’t matter in the end, after all, _this was his problem,_ and he would face it as such instead of shifting blame.

But before any of them could open their mouths to say something more, the entrance door beeped out loud. “Enter!” Londo shouted. When Vir turned his attention to the visitor, he froze instantly. It was Lennier once again, and most conveniently, carrying a data crystal on his hands.

“Greetings, Ambassador Mollari.” The Minbari bowed his head in respect as Londo barely mimicked the gesture back. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything, but I believe Mr. Cotto forgot this at the bar table, luckily I happened to be sitting nearby…”

Vir wanted to say something. Hell, he wanted to rush towards Lennier and give him the tightest hug he could manage. But all he could do right now was stand still, his mouth half open and eyes wide. Londo, on the other hand, was once again much more vocal in his gratitude.

“Aaaaah, thank you so much Lennier, the Centauri Republic should give you a medal for the services you provided today.” He joked, picking the data crystal from his hands and then giving him a hug with a friendly pat on the back, while the Minbari stood still like stone, slightly confused and unsure how to react. Vir couldn’t help but find the whole scenario quite adorable, actually.

“It was nothing, Ambassador.” Lennier responded in kindness, once again bowing his head to both Londo and Vir.

“T-thank you, Lennier…” Vir finally was able to vocalize something, although he wished the words sounded less shaky. The Minbari said nothing, but gave him a coy smile that was enough to make his core shake in awkwardness.

Once he left, Londo examined the crystal in his hands for a few seconds, then smirked at Vir who was still dumbfounded by the gesture.

“Alright, stop blushing and go back to work, I have to make sure that every piece of information here hasn’t been tampered by our dear friend.” The ambassador raised his tone again, making Vir instantly snap.

“ _I wasn’t blus_ … I mean, you think he would really do that?” The attaché asked, unbelieving.

“Hah! How come you haven't learned anything yet? Remind me to take you out myself someday, you really could use more time around people."

***

It had been a week since Vir visited the bar, and yet, there _he_ was again, in the same previous spot. Convenient, at least, since he was already meaning to speak to Lennier regarding his latest incident with Ambassador Mollari at the casino. Inhaling his nervousness deeply, he took slow steps towards the Minbari, sitting on the bench right next to him.

"Hey." The Centauri said sheepishly while he adjusted himself. "Londo told me what happened and I'm so, so sorry for everything…"

"Don't be, Vir." It was the first time Lennier referred him by his given name, he noted. "The ambassador was quite persistent, but I think I actually learned a thing or two with the experience."

"So, you see, he was meaning to take me instead, but I had been avoiding him lately because honestly, I need to finish these cursed paperworks and…" He paused in a moment of self-awareness. "Oh, sorry for the rant, it has nothing to do with you."

"If the work has been stressing you out, there are some meditation techniques I've learned during my time at the temple that might be quite useful. Maybe I can teach you when we have more free time."

"Sure, that would be great." Vir responded without giving much thought, as he was ordering a drink at the same time. Then he realized what that meant. "Erm, just what kind of techniques? I haven't had much time to get exercised lately."

"Don't worry, it's nothing very complicated. It ranges from simple breathing exercises to abstraction of thoughts in order to cope with a burden.”

“I could do that.” Vir said as he thanked the bartender for the service.

“And if that doesn’t work, there’s one we use as a last resource to make the trainee feel more comfortable in his own skin…”

“Oh?”

“Of course on Minbar we tend to do this on our underwear, which I have been told is very similar to an Earth garment called _fundoshi_ …” Before Lennier could react, Vir spit his drink quite violently across the table, then turning to the Minbari with his face red from ear to ear. “But surely we can make an exception for you.”

“I’d be most grateful, yes…” He said as he circled the rim of his glass, chuckling nervously. “Besides, I don’t think your type of underwear would really work on a Centauri.”

“Right, because of the…” This time it was Lennier who blushed. “Nevermind.”

“Y-you know?” The Minbari simply kept to himself, avoiding eye contact as much as possible. “It was Londo, wasn’t it?” 

“Yes.” He mumbled, embarrassed, and Vir couldn’t help but start laughing quite loudly, making him raise his head to the Centauri.

“Just what the hell did he get you into, Lennier?” 

Giving again one of those shy smiles that made Vir tremble at his feet, he spoke: “Where do I even start…?” 

  
  
  
  
  


  
  



	2. 2259: You've got everything, but cold fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was originally planning to fit the whole 2259 storyline into one chapter, but decided to split it into two as the first half was getting way too big. I tried to make clear when each part of the chapter is set by making references to series events in the text, but in case you are struggling to pinpoint those, this is mostly set after Soul Mates (S02E07) and during There All The Honor Lies (S02E14).   
> Secondary title taken from the song The Prettiest Star by David Bowie.

It seemed like a rarity to get a quiet day on Babylon 5 lately. From the sudden change of its CO to the latest attempt on the life of Ambassador Mollari, the simpler times of sitting during council meetings to discuss small issues that hopefully would lead to a peaceful scenario were long gone. Even Ambassador Delenn had gone to a literal change herself, with the whole station still commenting and speculating on all aspects of the process. But Lennier, in a way, was still the same. Sure, he now had a year of experience under his belt as an ambassadorial aide, but his heart was still following the same path he chose long ago. It didn't help making him feel less lonely, though.

Being at the council chambers outside working hours was a strange sensation. Lennier had memorized which seat belonged to each ambassador over the months passed, and sometimes he could swear it was possible to hear their voices coming from those places. Yet, the bumbling energy irradiated over the surroundings gradually felt more and more obscured by a terrible silence. Not a silence of apathy or exemption, but a silence of _death_. Although he wouldn’t demonstrate this physically, it frightened him to his core. The Darkness was coming, as Ambassador G’Kar had warned earlier that year. He also couldn’t help but feel that Delenn knew way more than what she told him, which was frustrating, but he wouldn’t let it get in the way of his duties to her.

_“Understanding is not required, only obedience.”_ The words reverberated inside his mind like a mantra.

To take some time by himself for introspection was his usual way to cope with uneasiness. During his time at the temple, it had always helped him to regain focus and the certainty that the choices he made were the right ones. But this wasn’t a monastery and he wasn’t surrounded by his peers from the religious caste. This was Babylon 5, a spinning and living contradiction of ideals and agendas carried by each single inhabitant and passerby inside it. And to deal with this fact, Lennier realized he needed to do more than that in order to keep in peace with himself.

So he decided to take a walk through the crowd, for a change. Immerse himself not into silence and serenity, but into all his doubts and insecurities, personified by the amounts of faces he passed by, some familiar and others completely unknown. He still felt like a stranger to most of these people, managing to blend in so well no one seemed to notice him. Delenn, of course, drew all the attention even before she went through her transformation. Not only because she was the ambassador, or also a Satai (although only he seemed to know this), but the way she imposed herself managed to draw respect from almost every race inside the station. 

Lennier, on other hand, was just another Minbari simply carrying on with his duties, someone only the inner circle of ambassadors or the staff from Earthforce barely acknowledged as something more than it. Not that he wasn’t complaining. Actually, the slight anonymity his job granted was mostly enjoyable, considering the amount of gossip he found himself surrounded by at times. That is, to either avoid it altogether or to hear about certain things more easily, something that one in a position like Delenn’s wouldn’t be able to. _“Information can be an asset as much as it can be a burden”_ , he thought. Curiously, that applied perfectly to a particular individual sitting nearby.

Maybe he subconsciously took a walk to meet him there, as it had become a costume by this time. Maybe it was just a coincidence. Maybe it was fate. Lennier could spend a lifetime debating that with himself if he wanted, but right now he was just compelled to observe the Centauri ambassadorial aide sitting alone at the bar table. Vir didn’t seem to notice him either, his soft round face curled into a frown as he slowly tasted some drink the Minbari did not know, but assumed it had alcohol. Unlike Ambassador Mollari, Vir wasn’t known for being a drinker, word has he even fainted after tasting the smallest amount from the ambassador’s glass once. Not so different from a Minbari in that matter.

Whether he was doing it for pleasure or pressure, it was clear Vir Cotto also went through some changes himself. For instance, he started dressing more formally and had a preference for muddier tones. His face was still of a jovial and kindhearted Centauri, yet the look on his eyes showed heaviness and guilt comparable to an elder full of regrets. The cons of working for Ambassador Mollari, he supposed. Still, Lennier could feel from miles away that Vir’s heart was still a pure one, and just like his, was struggling to deal with so many changes in the environment surrounding them both. Having formed something of a shy friendship over the months with him, the Minbari felt he should say something to help him with his pain. So he slowly approached the bar table, sitting by his side in quite an unceremoniously manner.

“Hey…” Vir greeted him first, his fingers fooling around the rim of the glass. The smell of alcohol on his breath was quite strong.

“Hello, Vir.” Lennier said in his ever so formal tone, bowing his head in respect. The Centauri simply raised the glass in return, then went for another sip.

If Lennier wanted to say something, right now words were in shortage. Adjusting himself over his seat, he took a closer look at his friend, who was flinching as he tasted the drink in his mouth. "This…" Vir coughed a bit, then turned his face to the Minbari. "This is awful. How anyone can enjoy this is beyond me." 

"I certainly can't." He responded, giving a shy smile.

"Yeah, I forgot that for an instant." The Centauri grinned, letting out a snort one could barely call a laugh. Lennier found amusing how one substance could turn one of his kind into a homicidal maniac and someone of another into a silly, harmless drunk. 

"What are you drinking, anyway?"

"Ah, the good old Centauri _brivari_." The disdain Vir felt was made clear by the emphasis on the word. "Lon… _Ambassador Mollari'_ s favorite. Since I've worked for him this long, I just figured, what the hell, might as well pick up some of his vices too." His face seemed distant for a moment as he whispered: _"Anything to put up with all of this…"_

Vir then went silent, staring at the void as if he belonged in there. Not even in a state of inebriation he would talk too much, spill anything about his work he would regret later. His loyalty was something Lennier found quite admirable actually, although he wouldn't understand why Vir would pledge himself to someone such as Londo Mollari, like he did with Delenn. There was still much for him to learn, after all. 

As both stood silent, Lennier continued studying the Centauri at his side, making Vir even more tense by his presence. When he finally couldn’t take it anymore, he bursted out quite bluntly: "What’s wrong, Lennier? Is there something on my face?”

The Minbari blinked several times as his chain of thought was broken, then said: “No, no, it’s just…” He pressed his lips together as he mused on how he should word that. “You see, of all the characteristics I have observed in other species during my studies, one that I never paid that much attention before was… Hair.”

Vir looked perplexed for a second, then let another one of his drunk grins escape.

“Oh, I see.” The Centauri ran his fingers softly over his own crest. “I have been trying to tidy mine up lately. At first I never got the gist of it, but with Londo requesting me to do his own hair, I think I learned quite a bit.”

“It looks quite nice, indeed. The thing is, I was going to meet with Ambassador Delenn the other day to report on her schedule, and I found Commander Ivanova helping her out with her own… _Hair_.” Even saying the word out loud still sounded weird to Lennier. 

“Well, if you ask me, I think she chose well. For Centauri standards, Commander Ivanova would be considered an anomaly, but she does have _great_ hair, _luscious_ , _soft_ …” As Vir’s mind started to drift over the thought of Ivanova, Lennier couldn’t help but feel a bit disconcerted.

“Hmm, Vir?”

“Yes?” He almost jumped at the spot. “I’m sorry, you were saying?”

"It’s just that I've just been wondering about Centauri crests. I’m aware they have a big importance in your society, as I have read. But I never seem to find an explanation on how they are styled, is there a particular reason?" Vir’s eyes widened at the question, leaving Lennier worried at what was to come. 

After a brief moment of quietness, he looked both ways to ensure they weren’t being watched, then approached the Minbari to whisper in his ear. "You see, we aren't actually born with this style. When we reach puberty, we are required to wear a piece that is not that different from the bone crest you have. We use it until our hair has grown used to the shape.”

Lennier nodded silently, surprised at the quite simple answer. "That is most... Interesting. But I don’t understand why the secrecy…?" 

It didn’t help that Vir started laughing like a mad drunk in response. Even though he was generally an upbeat person, there was something about this exchange that made Lennier feel a bit unsettled. Folding his arms and laying his head over the table, he turned to face his Minbari friend, the effects of alcohol still kicking in as his laughter increased. A few moments later, he recomposed himself, taking a deep breath, and adopted a more serious tone. 

"I was only fooling with you.” He said reassuringly, putting a hand over Lennier’s. “We aren't really allowed to disclose that info to outsiders, it's kind of a social taboo. The court fears that if other species hear about this, they will start imitating our styles and perhaps even using it as a way of infiltration, so we keep it to ourselves in order to differentiate what is and what is not a legitimate Centauri crest. It's even forbidden for a Centauri male to style his hair with anyone who is not Centauri themselves."

His words had barely processed with Lennier, however, who was now focused on the hand that covered his. Its warmth fused with the coolness of his own, the lack of reservations or discretion that a Minbari would have when it came to physical contact. Vir, who at first did so without much thought, as it was a trivial gesture in his culture, noticed the impact his breach of personal space had on him and carefully removed it, murmuring one more of his endless apologies. Nevertheless, he had misunderstood Lennier’s own feelings on the whole thing. Rather than being a discomfort and sense of violation, the Minbari found himself quite welcoming to it. He even thought about holding it back, but his own sense of decorum forbade him to. Or as Mr. Garibaldi would say, _perhaps he just didn’t have the guts_. 

***

To say Lennier would very much jump in front of Delenn in order to avoid her getting shot by a crazed lunatic from Home Guard, or even worse, one of their own kind, would be an understatement. He was Minbari, after all, and a very proud one in fact. It was no surprise then that he took to the heart the task of investigating the recent death of Lavell, a respected figure from his people, by the hands of no one less than Babylon 5's own CO, John Sheridan. Not because of Sheridan precisely, but for Delenn and what the captain meant to her and their developing cause.

Lennier's feelings towards Sheridan were, at that point, mixed. But it was his way to put selflessness over everything else, to serve something greater than himself, just as he was raised by his clan to believe. And he trusted the judgement of Delenn over any personal reservations he would have, that was enough for him to act. Interviews after interviews with his peers, the fate encounters with Mr. Garibaldi as both worked towards the same goal from different sides, the frustration over the blatant disrespect of Ashan, the only witness of the incident, towards Delenn, he was starting to burnout from the whole affair. But he refused to stop, even though everything was seeming to reach a dead end.

Ashan had stated what he saw, and Minbari did not lie. _Especially not him_ , Lennier wanted to reassure himself. Not one from the Third Fane of Chudomo, his own clan. He would not forgive Ashan if that was the case. Yet believing him meant that Sheridan was guilty of murdering Lavell, after all. And that Delenn wouldn't take, even though formally she would have to side with their government. Once again, her interest in keeping relations smooth between Earth and Minbar went beyond a mere diplomatic concern. And while she left a few hints here and there on what she planned in secrecy, Delenn never revealed to him the bigger picture. She was still a Minbari, after all, despite what some of their peers would believe. 

As Lennier walked through the Zocalo after being summoned by Delenn for an update, he found himself obliged to stop by for a few minutes, as he overheard something. Some juicy gossip on how Ambassador Mollari had a very public disagreement with his aide. And also something involving dolls and castration. But it was the first part that caught his attention. He knew Vir's relationship with the ambassador was in a faltering state ever since the war between the Narn and Centauri had been declared, though he wouldn't get into much detail, as usual. But he never imagined his friend confronting him in public just like that. Maybe because Lennier himself would never do such a thing with Delenn, or maybe because he came to understand that, despite his faults, Ambassador Mollari had become something of a father to Vir. 

He didn’t have to go very far to catch up with the Centauri, either. There he was, gasping for air as he leaned against a wall, clearly holding back tears of intense frustration. Lennier barely processed that as his attention turned to something else. His hair, again. The crest he so proudly wore was slowly turning into a drunken mess. It was something of a shame for a Centauri to be seen in such a state, but Vir didn’t seem to care at the moment. It broke Lennier’s heart to see him like this, but he just couldn’t leave his duty at that time. There was something he could do at that moment, however, and he decided to approach him at a quick pace.

“Easy there, my friend.” Vir jumped at the sudden sound of a voice near him, feeling a cool hand running through his hair. “I’m sorry I haven’t had the time to give you much attention, but I promise that as soon as this is all over, we’ll sit down and talk.” When Lennier finished tidying his crest, he took his hand back to make a cordial Minbari gesture, then left an even more confused Vir alone, trying to understand what had just happened.

Hours later, the situation with Sheridan had been long solved, but Lennier's feelings of uneasiness still lingered. He talked with Delenn a bit, and noticed she was clearly touched by what the captain had discussed earlier with her. "Perhaps." The ambassador breathed, contemplative. "Perhaps we have started to lose perspective on what it all means. Honor, pledging ourselves to a greater cause. By letting the faults of our own go unaddressed in order to save face, are we really being selfless and helping them, or are we merely thinking about preserving a system that day after day proves it can't sustain itself because _we_ don't want it to change?"

"Delenn." Lennier unconsciously reached for her hand, stroking it reassuringly. "You know very well there is not a perfect solution. The nature of our existence is a flawed one, the reason we dedicate ourselves to these ideals is a way to overcome these issues, to improve. While this might not always apply on an individual level, it doesn't mean we are wrong in keep trying."

"But as much as we are a collective, we are also a group of individuals with our own flaws and strengths. Different from each other. Sinclair once told me I cannot be blamed for the actions of every single one of our people, and I think there's reason behind these words." She paused for a bit, caressing his hand back. "Of course, in a position like mine, this becomes even more complicated. It doesn't help that our people seem to distrust me more and more everyday. Frankly, if I didn't know what had to be done, I don't think I would even be here at all."

"Then I would go with you." He affirmed, making her smile again as if she understood something he didn't.

"And for that I am most grateful, even though I'm not entirely sure I deserve it." Delenn concluded as she slowly stood up, Lennier following shortly. "I think I will retire to my bed now, the day has been long and consuming. See you tomorrow, Lennier." She bowed her head in respect and he returned the gesture. 

However, as he was heading towards the exit door, something came to her mind.

"Lennier?" She said softly. 

"Yes, Delenn?" 

"Why did you hold my hand like that?" His eyes widened at the question. "Not that I'm complaining, it's just that it was a bit… Unexpected." 

"Oh, that." He directed his look to the floor, embarrassed. "I'm not sure, I guess I just didn't give much thought about it. It's a thing I picked up from… Someone." _Vir_. He had forgotten about Vir. "I've read it's a way that many species have to either comfort a person or emphasize a feeling. If it was inappropriate on my part, I apologize."

"It wasn't, don't worry. This means you have been socializing more with others outside of our people, that is good. For both your personal growth and the position you are in." 

"Yes, I have." He smiled, now feeling determined. "As a matter of fact, I think someone is in need of me right now. If you may excuse me, I should see them right away."

"Of course. Take care, Lennier."

As soon as he left Delenn's quarters, Lennier pondered where he might find Vir. After asking around the station, he was told by a guard that he last spotted the Centauri attaché going inside Ambassador Mollari's quarters, so there he went. His lips were pursed as he rang the door, his hands pressed together. He wasn't even sure why he felt so nervous at that moment, but he just couldn’t shake it at all. 

"Come in..." An annoyed voice said, and the door opened in front of Lennier instantaneously. The Minbari found Vir laying on the couch, his clothes and hair a mess, an empty glass by the floor. He frowned in confusion, turning to see who was inside. "Oh, hello Lennier."

"Hello, Vir. Is the ambassador home?" He asked, his eyes wandering around the whole scenario.

"No, he left just a while ago." The Centauri slowly rose from his seat, adjusting his clothes and hair, the hangover still hitting him hard. He then faced Lennier, his face a mess, though the look on his eyes gave glimpses of relief. "So, what did you want to talk about?"

He gave him a soft smile, and both sat down for a conversation. Lennier talked about the whole issue with Lavell, Ashan and his clan, and Vir about how the possibility of being sent away broke him in ways he couldn't imagine, despite his own growing tiresomeness from the job. And also how Londo surprised him with his actions, and despite everything that had happened so far, Vir could still appreciate him for these moments.

"The ambassador is indeed a complicated figure." 

"Don’t even mention it. Still, it says a lot that I’d rather spend more time with him and all of the baggage that comes with it than putting up with my family. I still can’t believe he invited them for a whole month…” Shuddering at the thought, Vir took another sip of his drink. Lennier watched him as he moved himself over the couch, stretching and then curling up again into a relaxed position. “You know, I actually haven’t figured out what I want so far. I guess I’m just staying because honestly, maybe I’ll have a better chance to decide that here than back home.”

“Or perhaps you need Ambassador Mollari as much as he needs you.”

“Maybe. How fortunate of me, to become co-dependent on him, huh? Great Maker, I’m starting to sound just like him…” He looked back at Lennier, his eyes now doubtful and anxious. “I hope you still respect me for that.”

“Vir, if I didn’t respect you, I wouldn’t have even come to see if you were doing fine.” The Minbari could see him blush over that. “While I do sometimes pity you, I think I do understand now more than ever what it’s like to feel conflicted over following what your heart says or abiding by what your peers do independent of that.”

“And what does your heart tell you to do?”

“Well, above everything, to follow the path of truth and righteousness. In second, to honor and fight for Delenn, who represents both of these virtues to me.” Something about the last part made Vir a bit pensive.

“I understand.” He shrugged and raised the glass to his face, studying the reflections on it. “I envy you for that, I’m not so sure if mine is that clear.”

“I never said my path was a clear one.” Lennier responded. “If these last events taught me anything, is that every single thing I believe in might be called into question someday. Even the honor of my own clan, for that matter.”

“Even Delenn?” Vir almost regretted asking him that, but his curiosity got the best of him.

Lennier frowned, as this was something he avoided considering. But he couldn’t blame his friend for that. After staying silent for a few minutes, unsure what to say, he looked at Vir’s hands, and remembered the same reassuring gesture the Centauri had exchanged with him months earlier.

“Yes.” Lennier held his hand, feeling again the mixture of warmth and coolness on his own and catching Vir by surprise with his action. “Even Delenn.”


	3. 2259: And we will never be alone again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me a while to update, but it's bigger than the previous two chapters combined, so I hope that compensates.  
> The story of this one is mostly set sometime after the previous chapter ended, then covers events from Confessions and Lamentations (S02E18), Comes the Inquisitor (S2E21) and The Fall of Night (S02E22).  
> Secondary title taken from the song Instant Crush by Daft Punk and Julian Casablancas.

The bright skies on Minbar were a welcoming view to Lennier's sore eyes after spending so much time away from home. The lights reflecting from the crystal carved buildings that rose proudly and the cool winds running through his skin made him feel as he never left at all. As he paced quietly through the corridors of the temple he was raised in, his thoughts went back to what he had discussed with his ambassador a few days earlier. His faltering state had been worrying Delenn for a while, as she noticed the previous events regarding his clan had left him quite shaken. For that, she requested that he take a leave of absence, and was met with objection by the Minbari. 

_"My place is at your side, Delenn. I won't let personal issues distract me from that."_

_"I know you are young and deeply devoted to the ideals of our culture, but there is more to our existence and quest to perfect our souls than pure selflessness. Sometimes, one must take a path to heal themselves before they can help others, there is nothing shameful about that."_

_"Maybe you are right. But still, it feels wrong to leave you by yourself like that."_

_"Then you don't know me as well as you think, Lennier. I am never really alone as long as I am certain of what must be done, and that is why I need you to do the same. I told you once that I would not have an aide who won't look up, and I also won't have one who doesn't believe in himself."_

It still hurt him deeply to show such weakness in front of the ambassador. All he had worked for, all he had achieved, to be put into question because of his own internal struggles. And nothing he tried so far seemed to really work. He was starting to feel hopeless about it all. In reality, Lennier did know of an alternative, he just hoped he never had to resort to it. But there he was now, facing a Minbari from his past, who in return was smiling serenely at him.

"Antell." He bowed his head in respect.

"Lennier." The elder’s voice sounded raspier than he remembered. "It's been too long."

"I know." Lennier sighed, his eyes facing the ground. "I have come for your guidance."

Antell looked perplexed. "Then, the end of time itself has come. Follow me."

The two Minbari then strolled together through the long corridors of the temple, the rhythm of their steps synchronized. Lennier examined Antell, who hadn’t aged a bit since their last encounter. Noticing that, the elder grinned. "I heard you were serving as the aide for Ambassador Delenn." 

"Yes, and it has been an honor." 

"When I heard of her transformation, I was quite intrigued. A shame my duties leave me with no time to leave the homeworld, I would like very much to meet her someday." 

"Then I’ll try to set up a meeting next time she visits Minbar again."

"I would be the most grateful for that. I believe we have much in common to discuss, for starters, the fact we both had a certain youthful member of the Third Fane of Chudomo as an aide." 

"I don’t see how _I_ would be a very relevant point of conversation."

"Once again, belittling your importance. Isn’t this why you came to see me in the first place? To learn about yourself?" Lennier went silent, as he had no answer for that.

His eyes then wandered around, catching sight of a couple of Minbari from the religious caste. They were whispering among themselves, trying but failing to not stare at him and Antell with disapproval. "How long have you been doing this, again?" The younger Minbari asked his former mentor.

"Over fifty, almost sixty years, who knows? The religious caste disagrees with my methods, the warrior caste thinks it’s a waste of time, but as long as the worker caste still seeks for my guidance, I am going to be a Soul Mender. You would be surprised with the amount of pupils I have taken under my wing since you left." When they entered the quarters reserved for Antell’s practice, a human girl was seen sitting by the elder’s desk. She turned to the elder Minbari in joy, rushing to greet them both. 

"Master, I have been waiting for you. It’s done, I’ve cracked the puzzle you gave to me! I mean, at first I was so angry, I had no idea what to do with it, but now everything makes so much sense! I can’t wait to discuss it with you…"

"I see, Alisa, and I’m so proud of you for that." Antell put their hands over her shoulders attentively. "But right now I have to attend to this old friend of mine. I believe you already met back at Babylon 5."

"I think so, aren’t you the assistant to Ambassador Delenn?"

"Yes, I am." He gave her one of his typical humble greetings. "I’m called Lennier." 

"Oh yes, now I remember! I was so grateful for the ambassador's help back then, without her I would never have met Antell and they would never have given me the wisdom to improve my talents. They never told me you knew each other, though."

"It was a long time ago. When I decided I wanted to serve something bigger than me, Antell was the first mentor the religious caste assigned me to work for."

"Not because they approved of me, you see, but because they wanted to see how young Lennier here would react to be guided by such a controversial figure to them." Antell chuckled it off.

Alisa gazed at Lennier, squinting her eyes. "Still, I sense he doesn’t really believe in your methods, master."

Embarrassed, once again he went silent, unable to face either the girl or his former mentor. Antell shrugged, scolding Alisa. "How many times have I told you to avoid scanning people without their permission? The mind is a sacred place to be in and you should reserve it for a session alone."

"I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…" 

"Then perhaps you should go back to study and improve on that. If you don’t mind, Alisa, I am going to be quite busy for the next few hours. I’ll summon you later to discuss your learnings."

"Yes, master!" She said promptly, giving them both a parting gesture before she left the room. 

Antell took a deep breath, then looked back at their former aide, his eyes full of sorrow. "Well, I’ll make the preparations for the session, you can lie down and wait for the time being." 

Just as they were heading to their room, however, the telepath felt a gentle grip on their arm. Turning back, they faced Lennier in a mix of confusion and amusement. "Antell, independent of how I feel about your calling, never think for a second that I don’t respect you deeply."

"I know." The corners of their mouth rose in a reassuring manner. "You wouldn’t have come otherwise." 

Sometime later, Antell was back on their ceremonial garments. As a telepathic Soul Mender, they performed deep scans on troubled patients, picking their most inner thoughts and addressing the issues they would be facing, bound by an oath to never disclose them to others. To the telepath, it was their calling of the heart and a way to help others improve themselves. To the religious caste, not only it went in conflict with the Dreaming ritual, but the idea of analyzing someone's soul simply by their thoughts instead of actions and deeds sounded pointless, as the former to them were ephemeral, secondary and mostly personal, while the latter were the only important thing to measure the importance of their legacy and reasoning. 

"So…" Antell approached Lennier, their hand hovering the younger Minbari’s forehead. "Tell me your name and purpose of visit."

"I am Lennier, from the Third Fane of Chudomo, and I have come for your guidance."

"You understand, Lennier from the Third Fane of Chudomo, that by trusting me as your guide, I’ll have to enter your mind and your thoughts will become mine as well?"

"Yes, I do."

"Knowing that, are you sure you want to proceed? The mind is a sacred place, and one should not share it with others unless they are fully determined to do so."

"Yes." 

"Then…" Antell squint their eyes, trying to pick up his surface thoughts. "We shall begin."

During his time on Babylon 5, Lennier had heard that being deep scanned by a telepath was usually an uncomfortable situation, and doing it wrongly could cause various health problems to the subject. But Antell was a professional, having mastered the art like no other. They had the stealthiness of a thief, leaving little to no marks of their presence, even guiding the patient’s brain to send impulses of relaxation. This commitment to perfection as an instrument of healing was something Lennier had picked up on ever since he was assigned to serve them, and the main reason he would trust his old mentor for such a procedure. 

"So pure…" Antell mumbled, as it was a side effect of the technique. "So young… So naive."

Suddenly, Lennier felt the urge to close his eyes. In little to no time, he was asleep, yet the scan continued. It was all part of the procedure of course, since access to the subconscious of the patient was the strongest when they reached a sleeping state. In his slumber, he could see what being probed by a telepath was really like. It felt like all of his mind was being broadcasted to Antell. During his dream, he was in front of his former mentor, sitting down in meditation as flashes of light and sound left his own body for mere seconds, then returned to him intact. Although they told him several times about the procedure in great detail, Lennier wasn’t sure he believed them until now that he was experiencing it. 

Once it was all over, the Minbari gradually opened his eyes as Antell observed him, their face difficult to read. His mind was still shifting from dream to reality, and Lennier found himself unable to conclude any form of concrete thought, everything in front of him seeming abstract and ever so changing. 

"It is a normal counter effect of the procedure, don’t worry." Antell said softly. Or maybe they broadcasted it into his mind, Lennier wasn’t so sure he even saw the lips of his old mentor move. When everything seemed clearer, he rose from the diagonal bed, compelled to walk around the room.

"I must say, you were a very reluctant and difficult subject to approach, even in dream." The elder said as they observed the reflective expression on their former aide’s face. 

"I assume you must already have a verdict on everything you saw." 

"No. I have opinions of my own, of course, but the conclusion is reached by both patient and mender. You can discuss them with me once you are feeling ready."

"Then tell me about these opinions of yours."

"My opinion is -" They paused emphatically. "That you suffer from what most of your religious caste peers do. I had a few of them seeking my guidance during my career, and your thoughts and issues never seem to change."

"Which are?"

"For starters, being the most idealist of all the castes. And paradoxically, the most inflexible. You, so committed to your cause of being the beacon of reasoning and enlightenment of our kind, are never really prepared to deal with your own shortcomings. It makes you feel like you failed your whole mission. That, and the way you abuse conformity to excuse your own actions." 

"Go on."

"There’s more to your feelings about the recent events regarding your clan than a simple stain in your conscience for keeping their secrets. You are actually relieved that you don’t have to share their disonor for simply being associated with them, but it bothers you to feel this way, because it doesn’t resonate well with your urge for selflessness and being pure of heart. Your conformity, instead of helping you sort it out, actually cripples you to think further than what you have been taught."

"Isn’t this how you feel about our system?" Lennier inquired.

"Yes, but it is also how you do, you just refuse to admit it. The reason you chose to pledge yourself to Delenn goes way beyond the honor of serving a former Satai. In her spirit of standing out and challenging what has been set in stone for our kind, she has become the vehicle for you to reassure your own controversial thoughts without you actually being the one who stands up for them."

"And you think that is problematic?"

"That’s the point, Lennier. It doesn’t matter what _I_ think in this case, but what _you_ think. You have grown so used to hide behind people you admire for support you have forgotten you have the ability to do that yourself." The younger Minbari stopped pacing through the room abruptly, reflecting on their words. 

"There is also something you should know. During my scan, there was _someone_ who popped constantly in all the layers of your mind, but mostly, in your subconscious. Someone you have been struggling to pinpoint your feelings about them, sometimes even repressing them altogether."

"Delenn?" His voice sounded more hopeful than surprised.

"No. The person I saw wasn’t Minbari. It was _Centauri_." And then, Antell saw his former aide crumble at the revelation, his body curled in anxiety. "Now I understand why you came to me for guidance instead of performing the Dreaming with your peers. If they knew, you would never be allowed to return to Babylon 5."

***

"Well, that's it. I realized that for my own sake, I'll have to kill Londo before he pulls any more dirty pranks on me." Vir deadpanned as he reached for another sip of his glass. "After every careful excuse I crafted to avoid my relatives, every extra job I took to occupy my time, there he goes and gives me a leave of absence to spend more time with them!"

The Minbari by his side stood silent, deep in his thoughts.

"I thought it was already hard to forgive him for all his endorsement of the war, and then he does this! Can you believe it, Lennier?" The Centauri then noticed how his friend, despite being physically present, seemed lightyears away from him in spirit. "Hey, are you alright?"

"Hmm, wh-" Lennier blinked several times before facing Vir, an intense shiver running down his spine. "Oh, I'm sorry Vir, it's just there has been a lot on my mind lately."

"Meh, don't worry. I know exactly what it's like." He reached for the glass again, this time taking a very long gulp. "I'm probably just boring you with my family drama history anyway…"

His face broke into a serious look. "You never bore me. Besides, are your relatives really _that_ bad?"

Vir sighed, his painful childhood memories haunting him again. "Well, there's my uncle to begin with. He's the head of House Cotto. A bit too strict and pompous. You see, we are a small but proud bunch, but he's always looking for ways to make us more prestigious. The typical Centauri patriarch, you might say."

"And what about your parents?" 

"They are still around, I suppose. But I never got to spend much time around them, as he took me in very early. He wanted to make me his heir, since our family doesn't have many male prospectors and he couldn't have children himself." Vir made a weird gesture signaling his lower torso. "A birth defect on his… Fourth. "

"Oh." Knowing what he meant, Lennier didn't feel the need to ask further.

"He still got married though, once. Do you remember Ambassador Mollari's wives?" The Minbari nodded in confirmation. "My aunt Hadria makes them look like domesticated leati. She took the whole _'grooming me into the perfect heir'_ thing even more candidly than him. In hindsight, I think she was trying to make up for the shame caused in her family for marrying her daughter to an infertile Centauri. The mental scarring she left me though..." 

Seeing Vir hold back tears for bringing back old wounds from his past made Lennier's heart sink deep, almost not being able to resist the urge to involve him in a comforting embrace. Instead, he just had to be content in holding his hand again, the warmth exchange in their touch being his secret addiction. "I'm sorry, I see this is too much for you, I shouldn't have asked."

"It's okay…" The Centauri breathed in, intertwining his fingers with the Minbari without thinking too much. "I don't speak much about this because no one is really interested in hearing, but I'm glad you are."

Gazing at the joining of their hands, Lennier couldn't help but let a small sound of lament. Raising his head to Vir, he made an effort to let out one of his shy but comforting smiles, though his eyes refused to meet the Centauri’s. When his friend let go of the grip, the Minbari felt upset, secretly craving for the sensation again.

"Great Maker, I'm being so gloomy and depressing right now." Vir chuckled to himself as he examined his glass. "I mean, it's not like every single member of my family hates me. I'm not sure that's a good thing, though."

"What do you mean?" 

Before he could answer, a group of five Centauri ladies, their ages varying from small child to young adult, approached the bar table the two sat by. "Vir, there you are!" The oldest of them exclaimed quite loudly. 

"We were looking for you all day, Ambassador Mollari said you might be here." The second of age from the group said, almost in chorus with the other.

Lennier observed the sorrow on the face of his friend turn into irritability as he mumbled "Damn Londo…"

"You promised you would show us the Zocalo!" The third one, visibly in her late teens, added. 

"And also that you would let me do your hair!" The younger teen inquired, and by the tone of her voice, Lennier felt glad he was completely bald. 

"When are we going to play, big cousin?" The youngest of them all concluded, the innocence and softness of her voice reminding him of Vir.

Feeling beaten, Vir then went on introducing the group, the annoyed tone on his voice prevalent. "Lennier, these are my cousins: Marzia, Gerdine, Polis, Daleel and Serin, from my aunt Tertia's side... Girls, this is Lennier, he's the attaché to Minbari Ambassador Delenn."

"Nice robes."

"What's with the bone crest?"

"And the blue fleck on his head..."

"How come you have no hair and are a male?"

"Big cousin, what's a Meenbaree?"

Seeing how Lennier looked overwhelmed by the amount of questions, Vir shrugged, trying to take control of the situation. "Okay, that's enough questions for all of you. You wanted me to show you the Zocalo, right?"

"Yes!" The group exclaimed in unison.

"Then I'll walk you through the place." The Centauri smirked, the constant love bombing and teddy bear treatment he was used to getting from his cousins being deep inside a small delight, despite how inconvenient it could be at times. "I'll see you later, Lennier."

Giving his typical parting gesture, the Minbari looked curiously at his friend walking away, the imagery of the group of devoted cousins following Vir around the station being something awkward yet adorable to him. That thought didn't last long, however, as words from his conversation with Antell came back to mind.

_"He's just a dear friend, nothing more."_

_"Lennier, you can deny to yourself all you want, but I saw your thoughts."_

_"No Minbari has ever taken an offworlder as a lover or spouse…"_

_"Yes, because of all the bogus talk of racial purity. I'm glad I renounced gender roles and marriage on that matter, I never cared too much for the idea."_

_"It might be bogus to you, Antell, and you might be content to live in the fringe of society, but I'm not. I won't go against millennia of history and legacy of our own people just to indulge into a selfish whim of mine."_

_"And for that, we're back to where we started."_

Even though a few months had passed since that particular exchange, the harbored feelings Lennier fought so hard to repress came to haunt him at every opportunity. They had many forms, the discrete eye glances during uninteresting council sessions, their weekly meetings at the bar, the encounters at random in the corridors of the Green Sector. And when they were physically apart inside their own quarters, these thoughts sometimes assumed the form of his dreams, letting him know he was never truly free of them. 

Lennier was used to platonism, as he had learned to cultivate it with Delenn. But when it came to Vir, knowing there was an actual possibility of it turning into _something else_ broke him. Surely, he could be naive when it came to feelings, but he wasn't blind. He _knew_ how his friend was just as lonely and needy as him. That was clear from the first day they met. But as he still stood with his decision, he would have to learn to live by it. 

***

It didn't start consciously nor by malice, but during the following weeks, Lennier avoided walking through places where he most likely would meet with the Centauri. Due to the leave of absence forced upon Vir by Ambassador Mollari, it was unlikely they would meet at the council chambers so early. Still, it wasn't completely avoidable. In the few occasions they bumped into one another, Vir barely had time to even greet him with a friendly wave, as Lennier quickly responded with a parting gesture of his own and proceeded with his walking pace.

At first, he just assumed the Minbari was busy with his duties, but as their meetings became way less common than before, Vir started to wonder if something was wrong. He wanted to approach Lennier and talk it out with him, the thought of losing one of his few healthy friendships at the station being unbearable. Coming to think about it, maybe his only one. Yet, his family, who came near to deserting him at some point, was now completely demanding of his attention and care. For that, he let out a tired sigh. Good timing never seemed to be his forté.

When the day of their departure finally came, Vir couldn't feel more relieved. He insisted in personally escorting them, his expressive face unable to hide the joy of the moment. Of course, that implied putting up with his aunt Hadria, who much to his displeasure, was still the same since the last time they met. "Great Maker, correct that posture when you walk, Vir!" The fierce tone of her voice gave him shivers of annoyance. "Do you see your ambassador hunching all the time like you?" 

"Funny, when Uncle Domiti first arranged this job for me, you told me Ambassador Mollari was an unsophisticated drunken oaf prone to temper tantrums." He talked back in a snarky tone, feeling more courageous now that they were departing.

"Clearly I was in the wrong." She admitted, surprising him. "I mistook him for his brother." 

"The ambassador doesn't have a…"

_"THE NEXT TRANSPORT TO CENTAURI PRIME IS DUE TO LEAVE IN 10 MINUTES, PASSENGERS PLEASE WAIT BY THE LINE FOR BOARDING."_

"Well, it is time for us to go." The gravely rich tone of Domiti's voice broke in, extending to Vir the hands of friendship, who reluctantly accepted. "You should call us more often, your parents and your aunt Tertia are missing you back home."

"Of course. But if I may use an Earther expression, absence makes the heart grow fonder." The younger Centauri grinned to his uncle, the sarcasm boiling on his tongue.

Domiti cocked an eyebrow as he broke away from the embrace. "Farewell, Vir."

"Farewell, uncle. Farewell, aunt." He waved at the couple with pleasure, only to be hugged by his five cousins at the same time, the happiness on his face now rid of any malice. "And farewell, girls."

"Farewell, cousin!" They said perfectly in unison, making him wonder if they actually rehearsed this before. 

Vir snorted, trying to break away, but the grip on him only seemed to tighten. "It's okay, you can let go of me now…" Domiti and Hadria merely observed them, amused.

As the comedy of the whole affair had distracted the Cottos from their surroundings, the security staff marched in and blocked the access to all ship bays, taking them by surprise. It didn’t take long for chaos to ensue, the Centauri family almost ran over by the heterogeneous mob of desperate passerbys raising their flight tickets on their hands, demanding to leave the station. They watched in astonishment as the announcer broke in once more. 

_"ATTENTION EVERYONE, NO SHIP WILL BE ALLOWED TO DEPART BABYLON 5 UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. PLEASE ADDRESS ALL QUESTIONS TO THE APPROPRIATE STATION PERSONNEL."_

Once again, Vir was hit by his long streak of bad luck. "I’ve seen this happening before, and trust me, it won’t get better if we stay longer." He said after a few moments. "We should go." 

During their way, the Cottos happened to bump into the security staff’s second in command, Zack Allan, who informed them about the Markab plague. Vir, knowing how things could get heated pretty quick in a scenario like this, thought the best for the moment was to keep his relatives away from the crowd. However, as the quarters reserved for them were no longer vacant, he had only two options on where to keep them for the time being. Feeling a bit vengeful and mischievous, he didn’t have to think long to make his choice. 

"Vir, perhaps they should stay at your quarters, after all, they are _your_ family." Londo said after pulling him away for a private talk, tense by the snootiness and carelessness of his aide’s younger cousins with his fragile possessions. 

"True. But you are _their_ ambassador, and it’s your duty to provide help to all Centauri in distress here, isn’t it?" He replied, a sense of smugness filling him, as he walked straight to the entrance door.

"Where are you going?" Londo inquired in his commanding tone. 

"To check on a friend. I'll be back later."

By the other side of the Green Sector, Lennier was finishing packing up his supplies to meet with Delenn. He had taken a couple of breaks to meditate quickly, trying to make peace with the universe in case he wasn't to return from their mission. Although the Minbari felt there was still much he could do, to die serving his ambassador and her cause was honorable enough for him, and he took comfort in that. But as much as Lennier tried telling himself that he was completely ready to face his duty, something caught him like a lump on his throat, which he tried to swallow down as hard as he could. It didn't help, however, that as soon as he opened the door, he met with the exact cause of it all. 

"Vir, what are you doing here?" He asked.

"I…" The Centauri drew heavy breaths, as he was not used to sprinting through the station. "I needed to see you. I suppose you heard about the plague as well."

"Yes, Delenn told me a while ago. Did your family manage to leave the station before the quarantine was set?"

"Unfortunately, no. They are with Londo for the time being."

"And why are you not with them? They need you." Vir almost looked hurt at the question.

"Well, because I wanted to see how you were doing!" The remains of the adrenaline rush on his body made him sound more euphoric than he intended. "We have barely talked lately, and you won't answer my calls, so I figured I should check on you. I'm worried, Lennier."

"You shouldn't be, I'm alright." The Minbari made an extra effort to sound even more detached than usual. "Besides, I need to meet with Delenn."

"I can walk you to her quarters."

"No, Vir. We are going to seal ourselves with the isolated Markab, to help them get through their illness."

"What?! You can't be serious…" Not thinking straight, Vir grabbed the Minbari by his shoulders. "Lennier, you could die there!"

"I know." He swallowed hard, as if his friend's pain was plunging him directly. "But where she goes, I go." 

Vir sighed, lowering his head to the floor, while Lennier felt the grip on his shoulders intense. "I swear I try my best to understand and respect your views and culture…" The Centauri murmured. "But please. Tell me there’s another way."

"I suppose not." Breathing in, Lennier repeated the gesture. "I’m sorry." 

He almost regretted saying this, for Vir now stared deeply into his eyes. His soul was transping through them, a strong aura poured from it in an intensity he had only seen in some people of his own kind. Lennier never told this to anyone, but this was one of the reasons he felt drawn to the Centauri from the first day they had met. 

"If I return…" The Minbari started whispering.

"You _will_ return." The assertive tone on Vir's voice caught him by surprise, even though he looked like he was about to collapse at any moment. "I won't forgive you if you don't."

"I understand." Lennier's voice sounded drier than he intended as he broke away from their embrace. "I have to go."

It was difficult to hide his feelings as Vir returned to his ambassador’s quarters, and he was expecting to be showered with questions on his whereabouts and current state. However, his family wasn’t around. So wasn’t Londo. He found that odd, considering the threat of the Markab disease was still lurking around the station. But he also felt too crushed to actually care. Sitting on the couch, or more like lying over it, he watched the dull gray ceiling of the room.

 _"I miss the days architects would actually put effort into making those."_ Vir thought to himself, but even his quips weren’t enough to lift his spirit at that time.

Then, a noise. He rose immediately from the spot, and for a fraction of a second considered picking one of Londo’s swords, in a foolish attempt of bravery. But maybe just checking out for the source would do. And for that Vir thanked himself, for his anxiety could have made him accidentally hurt his youngest cousin, who was hiding behind the kitchen counter. She was curled up to her knees until her eyes met the older Centauri in front of her. "Serin?" He asked, confused.

"Big cousin, I didn’t know it was you." She spoke quietly, her voice frail.

"What is happening? Where is everyone?"

"I don’t know… I told Daleel I played with some Markab children before I knew of the… The illness… And they told me to wait for them here."

Vir didn’t want to believe Londo or his family would simply leave a helpless child like that. In his most optimistic thoughts, they had simply gone to search for someone on the medical staff for help. But why they would leave young Serin without even one of her sisters to watch over her, was something he couldn’t answer. Perhaps they were simply afraid, and the death toll on the Markab wasn’t helping. 

"Big cousin… Is everything going to be okay?" Serin held onto his leg for comfort.

He didn’t know what to answer. After all, he was still worried about Lennier for the very same reason. But something inside him made him kneel down so he was around the same height as his younger cousin, and held her tight in a hug. 

"I hope so, Serin." Vir whispered gently. Granted, being exposed to a large group in isolation sounded more dangerous than a secondhand contact with Markab who could have been contaminated or not, but right now, it was what the Centauri needed to be sure his friend would be fine.

***

Vir was still processing what happened. A mysterious and deadly illness. An emergency lockdown. General panic among the populace. In the span of hours, an entire civilization had been wiped out, not by genocidal acts and bigotry, but by the simple force of nature. And by last, an embrace. At first, it was little Serin in his arms who he comforted, but at some point, that became the shape of another, the Minbari who he held in great esteem and care, that held onto him like a piece missing from his own being. 

Lennier had come to his quarters in tears, still unnerved by the unfolding events. "After witnessing so much death in such a small fraction of time, I wonder if I'm really still alive or if my soul died there with them." 

He sounded frail and needy, and Vir supported his chin over the Minbari’s head. "I'm so sorry... I can't imagine what must have been like."

The silence went on dominating the ambient for a while, Vir only now noticing how his shirt was soaked in tears as Lennier pressed his face over his chest. The Centauri’s hand was shifting between rubbing gently the back of his bone crest and his shoulders. Somehow, his skin felt colder than usual, the sensation of his tears crystal sharp. Vir assumed it was a natural response his friend’s kind had to trauma.

"Thank you." Lennier finally vocalized, albeit barely audible. "You have been such a good friend to me, Vir." 

"And so have you." He responded with a smile, his voice ever so soft. 

Lennier, however, didn’t face him back. It was so dangerous to be in that position, his mind and body claiming for something his reasoning wouldn’t allow. "The thing is -" He started, breaking apart abruptly as he stood up. "I'm not always forward with you when I should. You probably noticed I had been avoiding you this past few weeks…"

"Well, I did, but then, I was busy dealing with my relatives and you had your duties, so I tried not to think much about it." 

"I tried to tell myself the same. But no, there's more." With a sigh, Lennier paced around the quarters, contemplating what to tell him. "You see, I... I have fallen for you in these last few months. It was so subtle and I tried to deny it as much as I could, but every time I'm with you, everything just... Makes sense."

Finally, the Minbari turned to stare at him, his tension being somewhat relieved by his confession. Vir’s round eyes looked even bigger than usual, his body never moving from the spot on the couch. "Lennier… I had no idea."

"However." The lines on his mouth trembled. "I don't expect you to return my feelings and I don't intend to act on them either. I've seen the pain it has caused you to not conform to what your people expect you to be, to be an outcast, a mere joke to them. As you know, interspecies relationships are forbidden among Minbari, and I don't think I would be able to handle such alienation from my own people."

The pain among the two was so unmasked, their soft faces turned into frowns. Vir wanted to say something, he _needed_ to say something, but what could he do? In the fights between his will and the ways of the bigger forces surrounding him, he always seemed to be on the losing side. Besides, this was beyond him, he couldn’t simply force Lennier onto something he wasn’t ready to. All Vir could do was buckle up and shove all his feelings down his throat, as he was so used to do when it came to his job. 

"I think I understand." He finally spoke, his voice dry and low.

"I'm glad you do, because I think we should spend more time apart because of that." Vir’s strong facade was crushed by that instantly. "At least, until I heal myself from all of this."

Neither of them could face one another, and Lennier saw no point in staying any longer. Not if he was to follow on what he said. As the Minbari walked slowly towards the door, however, he was interrupted by that same familiar voice. "Lennier?"

"Yes?" He didn’t even bother to turn back. He couldn’t bear it. 

"I think I have fallen for you too."

***

"You weren’t at the meeting today." Londo finally said, after entering his quarters minutes ago and finding his aide, depressed, sitting alone by the dark.

Vir gave him a blank stare. "I wasn’t in the mood. Besides, I assumed Refa’s personnel had already prepared your speech."

The ambassador went silent, staring at an empty glass by the kitchen counter. He was still a very young man when the Centauri Republic hold on the Narns had ended, and most of the worst atrocities committed by his people were to him simply stories from a past long forgotten, ones he always felt were exaggerated by the part of the Narn insurgents. But to be there in person and witness all the horrid actions his government was able to pull was something else. "I suppose you’re expecting me to beg for forgiveness, yes?"

"No, Londo, I’m not expecting anything from you." A hint of annoyance mixed in a tone of dejection was heard in Vir’s voice. "If I do expect anything, it’s unlikely to be something as conscious driven as an apology. Not that you actually care for what I think."

"Vir, I…" He stopped. There was no point in trying to appeal to him. "I only did what was best for the Republic."

"Oh, I’m sure nuking an entire planet is what the Republic needed to get back on its feet and be seen as the civilized powerhouse you always envisioned…" 

Then, a simple punch at the counter was enough to break his snarky facade. "Great Maker, Vir! You think you’re so much better, yes? But tell me, what have you done to help? As far as I’m concerned, you’re just as bad as I am, you never left my side and did what I told you all times."

There wasn’t a clever answer for that. Although the circumstances were way more complicated than he put, Londo wasn’t entirely wrong. And he wasn’t incapable of remorse either. In fact, the guilt ate him from the inside, no matter how much the ambassador tried to hide it. Vir concluded that debating him would lead to nowhere, and decided to stand up from the couch and walk towards the door.

"Where are you going?"

 _"To the bar."_ That would be his natural response. However, even that small comfort had been lost, not only because Vir risked meeting _him_ there, but for all the memories tied to it. Instead, he shrugged, answering "I’m going to my quarters, I’m tired."

Lennier, meanwhile, did what he did best: forget about himself and focus on Delenn. She, after all, was still his greatest motivation. In their mutual dependency, he gave her protection from harm, while she gave him purpose in life. That should be enough for him. And for the first weeks, it worked like a charm. She noticed his sadness, of course, but with all her efforts put into assembling an army to fight the Shadows, the ambassador regrettably had to put his aide in second place. Not that he complained about that. 

When the Vorlons decided Delenn should be put through an inquisition, Lennier, in his naiveté, didn't even blink an eye. Of course, his own life had been full of tests and probations, one more wouldn't make a difference to him. But there was something about Delenn's reaction that made him unsure about it all. Little did he know, he was put into his own personal test by guarding the entrance to the chamber where she and the Vorlon inquisitor Sebastian stood. Scream after scream and shockwave after shockwave were heard from the inside, the heavy metallic structure of the station not being able to contain them. He was terrified, considering if it should be his call to intervene, despite being told to stay away.

Once he couldn't handle it anymore, he burst inside the chamber. The horror at seeing his own ambassador, his _Satai_ (she would forever be one to him, formalities aside), lying and panting down on the floor, clinging to the remains of life left on her body, was just too much. She refused to come with him, however, and wouldn't let him stay either. Divided by doing what his instincts told him and abiding by her wishes, Lennier ran, cursing himself for not being able to do the former. But in no circumstance he would risk letting her die. 

There was only one other person on the station who would do anything to save Delenn. Ashamed of failing his duty, his first action was to seek John Sheridan for help. Lennier wasn't sure when that happened, but by that point the captain had entered the equation of his dynamic with the ambassador. As an ally, as a friend, and finally, as a protector. All the roles he once fulfilled alone. On Minbar, three were sacred, he was taught that from birth. This shouldn't bother him. Yet he never really felt this relationship was a whole triangle, but two lines crossing one dot. Perhaps it represented the divided universe Delenn now walked in, not fully Minbari anymore, but not fully human either. And in his spirit of conformity, Lennier had to accept that he was now the protector of only one half, the one she was born in. And by doing so, he concluded that he was even more alone than before. 

More time passed and the political tensions with the Centauri were hardening. He thought of Vir, the one he left behind so both wouldn't be hurt in the process, and how he also felt so lonely for fundamentally disagreeing with everything his government was doing. Not even Ambassador Mollari, who Lennier once considered a friend, was someone he could recognize anymore. The times the attachés saw each other were now usually reserved for council meetings, their relationship now back to how it started: behind the walls of job formalities, the nuances and exchanges prior simply a curious experience. 

So it surprised Lennier when he didn't meet him at the Zen Gardens for the apology that Captain Sheridan was mandated to issue to the Centauri government that day. Not that Vir would be very interested in watching this particular speech, that he knew. But his absence bothered the Minbari. He hadn’t been able to suppress his feelings after all, only set them aside for the time being. "I wish I knew how to help with your anguish." Delenn caught him by surprise, a hand over his shoulder.

"It’s not a burden worth sharing with you." He said as his eyes struggled to fix on a spot. 

"Lennier, after all you have given up and risked for me, wouldn’t it be fair for me to care for you as well? You do not have to put up a facade everytime, I’m your friend, you can trust me." 

"I’m not -" He stopped abruptly. "It’s just something that should be personal, yet it concerns everyone. Something I’m told to not pursue in order to not hurt others’ notions of establishment, but makes me suffer for not doing so."

"A calling of the heart?"

"Wha…" Lennier never thought of it that way. "No, Delenn, a call of the heart is pure and selfless, it’s what guides our paths and forges our legacies to something greater, not to destroy what we had before."

"Yet there are times that in order to achieve something greater, we must break with the chains of normality. Look at me, Lennier. I wouldn’t have gone this transformation if I thought conformity was the best way to live, afraid to take on my destiny despite how others would treat me." 

There was wisdom on her words, he had to admit. But he needed something more. A miracle, perhaps. And that came in the form of the sacred entity Valeria, who had flown to rescue Captain Sheridan from his certain demise. When Lennier learned that it was actually Kosh, everything clicked for him. For ages, the ever so isolationist Minbari had been guided or crossed with outsiders in their holy quest. The Vorlons, Valen, and now their souls were being transferred to human bodies. The question of involving himself with someone not of their kind wasn’t a matter of making the race impure, if said individual was as pure hearted as them. And for that, he found himself facing the entrance to Vir’s quarters, anxious to ring the bell.

When the Centauri opened the door, the misery in his face was clear. He was tired of everything and everyone, yet he felt like he was completely alone in the universe. Vir was surprised by the Minbari’s presence, and invited him in for a talk. Lennier shared all of his epiphany with him, while he didn’t move at all from his place, fascinated by how passionately he talked, even though Vir is not sure if he understood it all. When Lennier finished, he placed a hand over his, the lines on his face changing to something much more pleasant. "I always liked the sensation of doing this." 

"Me too." Vir stared at their joining. He had still a lot to deal with in his life, but at least, he didn’t have to face it alone. "There is something else I wanted to do for quite a while, too."

"Yes?" And when Lennier finally realized, their lips were also joined, pressing softly onto each other as they embraced what they had kept for themselves all this time. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last time I updated this, Mira Furlan was still among us. Even though Delenn didn't have that big a part on this chapter, I still would like to dedicate it in memory of her. RIP Mira (1955-2021).


End file.
